4 Time Divorcee and Two Close Calls

Divorce is an ugly thing.  It can get really messy and if there are kids involved it is even worse.  Well let me tell you a little bit about my divorces and how they all have stunted my growth just a little bit at a time.  To fall in love, true love is all that I dreamed about during my younger days.  There were many times where I thought that I was in love but realized as I got older that I was just in strong like.  Watching what I thought was love growing up I just knew that I had it all right until disappointment always hit and please believe it always hit.  Going through these divorces made me a really good listener, observer and runner (not literally) but when things aren’t going right I just get gone.

Now I bet the title of this post has you like what in the world 4 divorces and two close calls. How has she had the time to get married so many times?  Well the divorces and the close calls aren’t exactly mine I as the daughter of two parents who have been married to each other and married a couple of other times have been along for each ride of these divorces.  One thing that parents don’t realize I think even as an older child their decisions in love affect them.  My parents were married for 13 years before divorcing when I was really young…very stressful time especially for my brothers.  My dad has had 2 more marriages and a close call since then and my mom has been married 1 other time and had a close call as well.  So let me tell you I didn’t realize the affect that the relationships that my parents were in had on me until recent years.

Watching my parents go through divorces has totally scared me from believing in a full commitment to anyone even when I try I still have a side eye going on because I don’t want to go through the things that I have seen them go through.  I have watched the hurt that it causes and it is nothing that I am looking forward to.  Although I desire to be married, I have never been in a hurry to get married until a break up made me think that I was running out of time.

Sometimes I think that I am never going to experience the type of love that I have dreamed of experiencing.  But I realized just recently that I am in preparation state.  It seems like a FOREVER preparation state but like I have said in previous posts, I am always in transition and the transitions are preparing me for what is coming like marriage.  So I have been taking steps to understand why I am the way I am about relationships and how recently I have been so quick to just let people go out of my life and not just relationships, friendships as well. 

So I have been taking steps to stop the same patterns from happening in my life and getting me together for the next transition to come.  A couple of steps that have helped me in this process are listed below.

1.  Journal … I am a huge, huge advocate of writing it all out.  I have journals going back to middle school.  My journals are my best friends.  They know all of my feelings, all of my secrets just everything there is to know and when I take the time to go back and read them I realize how far that I have come.  Writing in a journal allows you to work through the things that you are going through and move through it at your own pace.  
2. Trustworthy Relationships … I have a couple of people around me who I trust enough to give them my stuff.  It isn’t a lot because everyone around you can’t handle your stuff.  That isn’t a bad thing because everyone shouldn’t be able to handle it all.  But these few people always get me back on track or give me some of the best understanding that I need for the moment that I am in.  I trust their advice very much.  Always have some strong people around you that you can trust with your stuff.
3. Prayer & Meditation … I recently heard someone say that prayer is you talking to God and meditation is God talking to you.  I will admit I am still a work in progress when it comes to meditation but I have gotten a little bit better but I am a pro when it comes to prayer.  God doesn’t want to see you struggling through your transitions and problems.  He wants you to trust Him with it all and know that there is always a reason and lesson in what you are GROWING through.  Continue to pray through it all.
4. Me Time … I spend a lot of time with myself.  After my last relationship my first thought was to jump into another relationship right away but what I quickly realized after crying over another man while sitting with a man that was trying to be my man was that I really needed to sit with myself and figure out why I was in this place once again.  Most people are scared to be by themselves and they don’t know how to just sit and be without anyone else around them.  But making the decision to not be in a relationship and just be cool with myself and get to know the me that I was in that moment was the best decision that I could have made for my right now.  Don’t make apologies for choosing yourself and spending the time that you need getting to know the you that you are right now in this moment.  Stop running from yourself !!!  I remember calling my mentor and he just told me very simply and was VERY frank “to sit in this shit and ride it out until it no longer bothers me.”  I received a lot of great advice during that time but that right there was everything.  I sat in it all and I am no longer bothered by it.  I learned the lessons and now ready to apply when necessary.

These are just some ways that were best for me in growing through this season of my life and preparing for the next.  It is always a process and I realize more than ever that I have more work to do in certain areas especially in my relationships.  With me being a life coach it is important that I build healthy relationships with my clients so that they know that I completely understand the transitions that they are going through.  I want them to always be able to trust me with their life transitions.  So this journey for me has been very important for me to go through so that I am not only my best for me but my best for everyone that is apart of my life and my business.

Can’t wait to continue on this journey and help others on theirs.  It is an exciting journey.

What transitions have been the hardest for you to go through and what are some ways that got you through?  Let’s talk about it.

Talk to ya’ll again soon.

Xoxo,

Zony